How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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