guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
