don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have post one night stand depression
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
