Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
