i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
