We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
BRING THE BAGELS
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
