I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
