I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
