i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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