soooo we both peed the bed last night...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
