Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
