Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
