we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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