I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
