my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize