i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
