all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
