You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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