if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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