Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
