I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize