Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
