when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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