just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
