dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
