just tell him i said nine months
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
