what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
