Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
