i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize