I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
