no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
