I wish I could teleport
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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