Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
