smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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