M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
