and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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