Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I've blown a few things in my day
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
