Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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