In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
