At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
