onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
