He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
