We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
