Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
