If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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