i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
