We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize