Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
