What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
