Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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