I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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