I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
