Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
