She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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