Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
