I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
