the condom got lost in my hair
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
