We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
