The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
