I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
