ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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