So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize