Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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