im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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